this is part of my crack!fic in progress. doctor who themed, of course.
part 1 is here - http://temothy.vox.com/library/post/how-longs-it-been-since-i-posted-a-dribble.html
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As the man at his table was jabbering on about the phenomenal properties of jam (which he had been so kind enough to bring out of the bathroom just over an hour and a half before beginning his speech professing his love for the stuff) Mark heard the faint sound of a lock.
His eyes grew wide as he looked at his watch, then flew into a panic. "Oh my God. Someone's comming."
"Oh?" the Doctor said, a mouthful of toast and jam. He wiped at his mouth with a napkin. "We'll have to make more toast."
Mark got up from the table and flew into the livingroom, just as the front door burst open and a spectacled woman nearly stumbled into him.
"Remind me to yell at the landlord when I get back about that bloody door," she grumbled, righting herself.
"Ah... You're home early?" he said, but it came out more as a question than a statement. He glanced over his shoulder, back towards the kitchen, where he had left his unexpected visitor munching his toast and jam happily.
"Well, yeah. There's a Twilight Zone marathon starting in an hour, and I need to set my TiVo before I leave for the airport," she said, dropping her school bag on the couch and moving past him.
"You got your hair cut," he said, stepping into her path.
"You like it? The girl at the salon thought I was crazy when I pulled out a picture of David and said I wanted my hair done like that, and poofable too." She pushed past him, and his heart raced.
"Did you get my text messages earlier?"
"Yeah. I think you fell asleep in front of the tele again last night. That or you had way too much to drink."
"Yeah... that must be it."
He watched her start for the kitchen, but grabbed her arm. "Hey, I'll make you some tea and you go set up your TiVo."
She stared at him, then nodded with a smile. "Thanks. I could do for a cuppa right about now. And not any of that pansy stuff Jeremy likes. A good strong cuppa real tea."
He nodded, pointing her towards the hall. Once he was sure she was past the bathroom, he darted into the kitchen. "Oh God. What am I gonna do? There's a Time Lord in the kitchen, jam everywhere and Alex just got in."
"Don't forget-"
"Mark!..."
He cringed. "Oh dear..."
"Mark! Why is there a Tardis replica in the bathroom?"
"Erm..." he had just picked up the tea kettle when the Doctor jumped up from his seat, another piece of toast in one hand and jam on his tie.
"No, don't!" he shouted, running after him.
When he caught up with him, he found the Doctor munching on his toast in the doorway of the bathroom. He couldn't see Alex, who rather than freaking out like he had initially thought was instead running her hand over the corner of the Tardis with a concerned look on her face.
"You didn't use the blueprints from the Tardis Index File site, did you? The edges don't quite line up right. You cut the wood vertically instead of at an angle so the panels fit together. And why the hell did you put it in here?"
She turned to look at the man in her bathroom doorway, then to Mark trying to peer over his shoulder from behind.
How are you a better person today than you were ten years ago?
Sponsored by Nature Made.
well for one, i'm not as vile as i was back then. i was morbid (still am, to an extent, but for different reasons), totally crazy over Buffy and Angel, just getting out of my power rangers kick... AND i was extremely violent.
now, i'm a nice guy (most of the time) that has a much more mature facination with morbid subjects who directs his violent tendancies towards video games and writing rather than living and breathing people. and, i am also a massive Doctor Who FANATIC. rather than being obsessive about vampires, demons, and vampire slayers i'm obsessed with Time Lords and Daleks. it's a nice trade off, really. requires me to use my mind rather than stare at pointless violence on the tele.
this is the beginning of a crack!ficlet wherein all of Sci-Fi is actually real, it just doesn't actually take place on Earth most of the time, even though some shows claim it does.
anywho, Tardis in a bathroom. I have no idea why I thought it was so damn funny. but it is.
enjoy.
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Mark was sitting in his kitchen, just about to enjoy a nice hot cup of
coffee before finishing his term paper when he heard a strange noise comming
from his bathroom.
Now, it was a rather old appartment building. And he was paying
practically dirt-cheap rent, so hearing strange noises in any of the rooms wasn't all
that odd to begin with.
At first, he thought it must have been his phone, since his ring tone
sounded like an engine from his favorite television show. He turned around in his
little plastic chair and snatched his phone from the counter, flipping it open.
No new calls. No messages. Nothing.
Then, he heard the sound again. Staring at his phone, he blinked in
confusion before looking around. Maybe he'd left his computer on in the other
room. After all, he was a complete nerd, and did like to change the music and
sounds on the old desktop just because he knew how.
He was passing by his bathroom on his way to the small room in the
back he'd claimed as his bedroom when he heard a voice, muffled by the old
door.
He shook his head, deciding he was just hearing things. If his
roommates were home, they would no doubt tease him for his little patch of
paranoia.
He continued on to his room, checking his computer. No, it wasn't
that. It was actually turned off. It wasn't his phone, computer, not even his CD
player with burned music and sound effects. Laughing at himself, he sighed and
turned, heading back to the kitchen.
When he passed the bathroom door, it swung open and the initial
shock of surprise nearly gave the poor young man a heart attack.
"Ah! That's better!" the man exclaimed. "Though why we landed in the
bathroom is anyone's guess..." He looked up and down the hall, then noticed the
young man with his hand pressed against the wall for support.
"Oh, sorry mate. Didn't see you there. How could I, the door was
closed."
"I... You scared the hell out of me," he said, then silenced.
"Terribly sorry. I'm the Doctor by the way, and you are?"
"Mark," he said. Then after catching his breath, Mark's brain kicked
into overdrive as he stared at the man in the suit who was standing in the doorway
of his bathroom. "You're... you're... real? But... It's just a show!"
He nodded, then bit his lip in thought. This wasn't the first time he
bumped into this kind of problem. He probably should have expected it. "Well..."
he said. "Most of it. The scriptwriters embellished a lot, to give it some drama,
and had to tone down the action a little. They had an hour to fill, and couldn't put
in every little detail."
"But how? You're a character! Fiction!
The Doctor smiled in that way the college student had seen so many
times before on television. And he proceeded to explain, also in that same long-
winded fashion. "One thing I've noticed over the years is that humans are like...
you lot are like antennae, picking up signals from the rest of the universe without
even realizing it. You pick up fragments of transmissions, in dreams or in the most
random of moments, and you write them down, turn them into a good yarn, and
then you're on the top seller's list. Amazing, really, your brains," he said, grinning.
"But do you want to know the best part?"
The young man's eyes lit up as he was transfixed by such a bizzare
curiosity. "Oh yes, please."
"I don't even know why! I suppose it's an evolutionary response to
your particular location in the universe. This sector is a galactic hotspot of
transmissions. Think of it as intergalactic Wi-Fi. And with the addition of your
broadcasting satellites, it boosts the signals. Your brains are spongy receivers,
encased in bone and wandering around this big blue and green ball, unaware of
just how unique you are."
The Doctor found that he had lost the young man further back in his
explanation than he'd originally thought, and discovered that the young man was
texting quickly on his cellular phone.
"Oh my God, nobody's going to believe this," he said to himself, using
the photo function of his phone to snap pictures of the space man and his ship.
"This is just too much. Alex is just going to DIE!"
"Oi!" the Doctor exclaimed, reaching for the student's phone and
grabbing it.
"Hey! I was in the middle of something!"
"Can't have you blabbing to everyone about me."
"Come on, just a few mates of mine. Really," he said. "Just one?
Please? Alex is a real die-hard sci-fi nut. This'll really blow h-"
The Doctor sighed and handed the phone back. "Fine, fine. One
picture."
"Oh, could you do that thing, like, sonic my phone? Roaming charges
here are horrendous and I can barely manage to pay my share of the bill as it is."
"No," the Doctor said. "Come on then, take the picture and get on with
it."
"Really? Not just this once?"
"Companion privledges only. Sorry Mark."
He hurried to the alien's side and snapped a picture of them together,
then immediately sent it to his friend Alex, who he'd been texting with before.
"Dude... This is so freakin cool. The Tardis is in my bathroom. Next to
my shower."
What would you like written on your tombstone?
i've actually got a couple of these.
"HA! I DID GET THE LAST LAUGH!"
"He was so smart he was retarded."
"Here lies your Lord and Master."
"I TOLD YOU SO!"
"How do you keep an idiot busy? (look on other side" with the same thing written on the other side.
"Your cat tasted like chicken."
"I said I wanted to be cremated."
"I'm not really dead. I'm traveling."
"OMGWTF MATE?!?"
"You're Next."
"I'll save you a good seat in Hell."
"You win some, you lose some. I won 'em all."
"It seemed like a good idea at the time."
"Jesus Allah Yaweh Great Goddess Time Lord Master Yoda Buddha L. Ron Hubbard! (Hey, can't blame me for covering all my bases.)"
"Death by X-Men. FUCKING SWEET!!!!" this one courtesy of mouse. n.n
and my personal favorite...
"I can still watch you when you shower."
yes. these are funny, but i seriously want something funny carved into my tombstone. sort of like, even though i'm dead and gone, don't be sad because i want people to remember me for my twisted and often sick sense of humor.
What's the best part about living with a roommate? Worst?
if one of you is like super king of messes and the other is super king of neat-freakery, then it's PERFECT.
if one of you likes to sit up at night and watch youtube till dawn and the other does not... it's absolutely bloody awful.
It's International Brain Awareness week. Stump us with a brain teaser.
this one is actually kind of morbid, but a friend posed it to me in my senior yearbook (we were always asking random stuff like this to each other) and thought why the hell not pose it to others...
here it is, my teaser:
If you cloned yourself, and then the clone killed you, would it be considered suicide?
This is a Yes or No question.
if you answer yes, then explain why.
What's your favorite ingredient to cook with?
GARLIC.
it's like duct tape for food.
What's your best tip or trick for keeping your closet organized?
getting your own personal maid named Jakob.
i'm messy, always disorganized, and i'll be honest, the parts of the bedroom designated as "Tem-Space" amounts to mountains of junk. ja's a neat freak, and learned a long time ago that to love me is to pick up my stuff behind me. (i HAVE worked on my pack-rat habits and my need to make everything messy, but....yeah.... still looks like a tornado's constantly blowing through the room no matter how hard i try to keep my stuff together and organized.)
We tell white lies every day, but have you ever told a big lie, and if so, why did you do it? Confess!
Submitted by Sophie.
well... some might consider this a little white lie, but if you ended up caught in the web, you'd think it was a big deal too.
let me preface this with the following: this is an old lie, and it's one that my partner is fully aware of, and is no longer an issue in our relationship. but to me, it feels like the biggest lie i've ever told. me and ja have worked through issues resulting from it, and he has forgiven me for it.
and now, onto the lie that for many will seem utterly trivial...
i told ja i was allergic to mushrooms just to get out of a dinner party his father had invited us to so he could meet me for the first time ever. i ALSO told his mother i was allergic to mushrooms so that she would not insist i go. i ALSO made up an excuse about having to work on a project for journalism class that was due the next day (supposedly) when ja insisted that he could get his dad to change the menu. why did i do that? i was afraid of his dad's reaction to meeting me because he had assumed i was his son's girlfriend. (he'd seen a picture of me in ja's wallet when i had super long purple hair. back then i was heavy into make-up and wearing girl's clothes every chance i got and was mistaken for a girl A LOT by teachers and strangers.) i wasn't afraid that he wouldn't like me, personally. i was afraid of embarrassing ja. he came from parents that were, let's face it, FAR above my station. i was pretty much white trash and he was on the football team. not exactly what his dad was expecting.
as a result of all this? when ja's dad did finally meet me, and found out that i wasn't exactly his son's new girlfriend, ja was thrown out of the house and had to move in with his crazy catholic mom. (she's nice and all, but her religious beliefs.... yeah. that's something that we must always avoid around her.)
that lie hung over our relationship for months, and was a really big deal. but when it looked like we were going to have to split up because my family was moving pretty damn far away, ja let go of that little grudge and we started working on it. it took a VERY long time for us to work past that, and in the end, well, he's living with me and sharing my bed every night (unless, of course, one of us gets really pissed off and makes the other sleep on the livingroom couch lol)
i have since never done anything like that again, because in our relationship, little white lies can easily become big giant pink elephants in the room.
What story of personal greatness, achievement or success would your co-workers or friends be surprised to learn about you?
Sponsored by Nature Made.
i.....
well....
i.....
took my driving test while drunk off vodka and lime...
and it was the first (and last) time i ever performed a PERFECT parallel parking maneuver... and my teacher never once noticed i was too fucked up to drive because apparently that was the smoothest, most perfect drive i've ever done in my life.
i know, i know! that's not a super awsome achievment! hell, it was breaking the law! but how many people do you know who can pull off something like that and not hit a single street cone, obey every traffic law to the letter (aside from drunk driving of course) and STILL get issued his license with a near perfect score? (it would have been perfect, had i remembered to put on my blinker when i was supposed to change lanes.)
